Day 3: Change of paths

You would think 19 years would be enough time for me to get used to the world around me and figure out what I want to do with my life. NOPE. I have never been so confused. I am endlessly struggling to figure out what I really want and what I need to do to get there.

Like so many people my age, I am unsure of what I will be doing when I graduate in 2 years. I love my major, but can’t help but feeling that I am letting some loved ones and myself down. I went from the intention of going to law school after graduation to now wanting to dive into the world of marketing. The problem with knowing what you want to do with your life is the upsetting realization that just because you have a plan and are stuck on it doesn’t mean it’s going to work out. My entire life I was 100% sure that I was going to be a bada** lawyer. My goal was to get into the best law school. The problem is that imagining and dreaming about it was a waste of time. I should have been acting towards my plan instead. It’s not too late for me to get my act together and be a lawyer but now I am left with the question of how bad do I want it? When did I lose focus of my law school plan and why? Could I possibly be happy in a different career? The thing is that having a dream erased is terrifying because I no longer have a clear “dream.” I find myself left with the lingering thoughts of years at law school, with thoughts of how much I enjoy writing and would have loved to major in journalism and English, how I LOVE movies but am terrified to major in anything related to cinematography. So I guess the thing is that I can kind of see myself going in different directions. But that is exactly what I do NOT want. I want one clear path that will keep me satisfied for the rest of my life.

Silly me!!! Life will never work this way! Unfortunately I can’t get 5 bachelors degrees in the span of 4 years. I have to pick one major. So far I am genuinely happy with marketing and I have been enjoying my classes. However, I don’t exactly know how I plan to use my degree after college. I guess the only thing I can do right now is take it one day at a time. I have to get it through my head that there will be a lot of trial and error before I find a career that sticks with me and that’s okay. I can continue to pressure myself to work hard, but there should be no pressure or stress now about what will happen in the future.

I have to learn to fulfill myself without the worry of how my career will define me or make me recognizable. Growing up, part of my problem was that I wanted to be extraordinary and I didn’t have any clear way of getting there. What I should have wanted, and what I want now, is to be happy. I found that I will be happy if I grow up to have an honest job, love my family and friends, and mostly if I continuously work towards becoming a better person. Because the thing is we are all extraordinary just by being true to ourselves.

I have finally realized that being happy is not overrated. Wanting to be happy is so much more than a cliché. It is simple and is the clearest path that I know I want. If I just keep moving forward I’m bound to figure everything out.

-Diana

Day 2: 19 things I love

Day 2 is not much of an article but rather a list of some random things that I am fond of. This is a chance for people to get to know me, as well as a chance for me to share my current interests.

1.     Rain: I have always found relaxation in the sound of rain. I highly recommend listening to the sound of rain while doing work. This website is awesome! 

2.     Learning from other people: I love learning from people; it’s how I best remember things. Sometimes I wish our lives were like movies, so that I could see what everyone experiences on a daily basis.

3.     Walking: One of the most therapeutic things for me to do. This is one of the reasons why I love cities. There is always a buzz and somewhere to be, and walking is the best mode of transportation.

July 2015- NYC is a great place for walking! 

4.     The Ocean: Another therapeutic experience. I love how small and alive I feel when I am near an ocean. It gives me a chance to forget about my day-to-day worries and I can just take in the waves and the salty ocean air.

Summer 2015 Newport, RI

Favorite quote! 

5.     Dancing/watching Dancing with the stars: I love to dance, but don’t know how. I like to lead when I dance, which doesn’t make sense since I do not have a dancing bone in my body. I basically make a fool out of myself every time I get on a dance floor. But that’s okay because it’s fun. The great thing about dancing is that anyone can do it. You might not be good at dancing but give it your best. If you are on the same dance floor as me, trust me you will never be the worst dancer at the party. *I should probably take some dance lessons.

One of my favorite dances on the show, very cute!

6.     Sleep:  If I do not get enough sleep I turn into an angry lion. Runaway!

7.     Coffee: I love it so much that I have written poems about it and compared myself to it. I’m at the sad point in my life where I get a headache if I do not drink at least one cup a day (a.k.a the point of no return).

8.     Spending time alone: I am learning to become a more social person, and am genuinely enjoying spending time with others. But by nature I am an introvert and still need some alone time to recharge.

9.     Baseball: It is the one thing in my life that always makes me feel young. Every game, whether I’m watching it on TV or listening to it on the radio, I feel like a five-year-old kid at their first baseball game.                                          

My 2014 High School senior quote 

Summer 2015 first time at Yankee Stadium

10. Frank Sinatra: He is one of my favorites on this list. I love his music and personality. 

11. Musical theatre (appreciation for all theatre and performances, really): I get nervous from simply giving class presentations. I will never be a performer, but, boy, do I appreciate performances. I get a rush whenever I watch musical theatre.

"Nowadays" -Chicago (film 2002)

12. The East coast: I haven’t visited much of the world, or the U.S., for that matter, but I’ve been fortunate to visit some Northeast states and I loved them! I would actually love to move out there sometime after college.

13. My family: (Immediate and extended) although I may have trust issues, I have learned to trust my family members and have found that they truly have my best interests at heart. *I need to tell them that I love them more often.

14. Movies: This quote from Martin Scorsese sums up my admiration for movies: “Movies touch our hearts and awaken our vision, and change the way we see things. They take us to other places, they open doors and minds. Movies are the memories of our life time, we need to keep them alive.”

15. Bagels and Donuts: No words. (btw, NYC Bagels are the best!)

16. T.V. shows: Sex and City, Mad Men, Gilmore Girls, Friends, Cheers

One of my favorite scenes from Mad Men

17. Navy blue: My favorite color and my go-to neutral. So many times I have to stop myself from wearing navy because of how often I wear it.

18. Holidays: Easter, Mothers/Fathers day, 4^th of July, Thanksgiving, Christmas

Christmas 2015 

19. Brunch: I get to sleep in and still have a filling meal. I don’t have brunch too often, but when I do, it is quite a treat.  

It wasn’t easy to come up with a list of 19 of my favorite things; it required a lot of brainstorming. I’d love to hear from anyone who likes some of the things on this list too J

-Diana 

Day 1: 19 and Crazy

My 19^th year of life has been one of the best yet! I cannot remember the last time I had an entire year of happiness. That’s not to say that I was in a good mood every day; I still had bad days and sleepless nights. However, good doesn’t mean perfect. And my 19^th year has been just that, good but not perfect.  For the next 19 days I will be writing daily articles that will lead to my 20^th birthday. I will be sharing things about my life that I feel have had an impact in making me who I am and who I hope to be as I get older. I share these articles in the hopes that the people around me might get to know me better and that maybe for a while, see what goes on in my head. I mostly write the articles for myself. For the past 19 years, I have been selfish; I won’t lie, sometimes it’s in a bratty way but it’s mostly in a healthy way. I have learned that being selfish is good because I have to love myself before I can truly care for the people around me. I have noticed that many people (myself included) don’t value ourselves as much as we should. We deny ourselves the love that we so rightly deserve. When really we should be our own biggest fans. So I hope that as I grow older I can continue to build myself up and love myself for my own good, as well as the people around me that need to know they are loved.

My 19 and Crazy project is not only inspired by my awesome year, but by my fear of growing up and my decision to embrace change.

So here I am life, writing about things that matter to me. Some of the articles I write will be shorter and silly, while others, more personal. I have never shared my personal writing publicly with my family and friends so this is a big step for me, and honestly I am scared, but this is a step I need to make.

Song of the day

The title for my “project” comes from an old country song that I loved in middle school. I belted it at the top of my lungs waiting for a day in my life that I would feel alive. And who would of thought that my 19^th year would do this for me? The words in this song don’t all ring true to my life, but I can definitely relate to the feelings.

Some lyrics:

Being free, being wild, being bulletproof

Back then we were rebels without a clue

Nothing in the world that we wouldn't do

Didn't give a da*n what people say

We were doing it, doing it our way

I wish that we could always stay

Nineteen and crazy

My lingering thought of the day:

“My happy year doesn’t have to end. I learned that life can be good; if you put in the effort, it can be. So often I would stand waiting for an amazing moment that would change everything. But I had to go out and make the changes, I had to search for the ways that my life could be good.”

*Disclaimer these articles will serve as a sort of scrapbook; I will probably be clipping songs, videos, pictures, etc.

-Diana 

Mini Easter Haul

I hope everyone had a great Easter weekend! The weather in Chicago wasn't very "springy," but it was nice to celebrate the holiday with family anyways! I did a bit of shopping and got a gift from the Easter bunny!

Saturday morning my family and I headed to the outlet mall. As a college student I appreciate shopping discount and it was great that J.Crew Factory was 50% off! Unfortunately I didn't find much, but I did find a couple of things that I LOVE --> Navy Blue Chino shorts (where are you warmer weather?) and a flower "clusterish" necklace with gold hardware. I have been eyeing the necklace for months and feel that it is very versatile. The chinos are also a great addition to my wardrobe because Navy is my neutral and I just know I will get a ton of use out of the shorts once the weather is appropriate. 

Target is always promising and on my latest trip this past Saturday I picked up a Burt's Bees lipstick in the color 532 Russet River. I love everything about this new product and plan on getting more shades. The lipstick is moisturizing, color is lightly pigmented so it's easy to build up, the packaging is sleek, eco friendly, and fun! The second item I purchased is an exfoliating body scrub AND wash! It is genius that this product is two in one. The brand You are Amazing had about 6 different scents to choose from and the tube of 8oz was $3.99. I loved the scent I picked up and the price (again broke college student-wants a bang for her buck.) This product immediately smoothed out my dry winter skin after one use. It is a quick and easy product to use that made me feel like I put much more effort into my shower routine than I really did. 

You are never too old for a teat from the Easter bunny! As a girl with super stick straight hair I have found myself with a plethora of curling irons, some got old and thrown out, others lost, some broken, and others I gave up on. I somehow am always looking for my next go to curling iron. I have a 1in, 1.5 in, and a curling wand, but oh no I was now missing a 1.25in! I justify each heating tool because hello, they all do something different. So the Easter bunny heard my cry and got me a curling iron! I was way too excited about this. I tried it right away and loved it. It is a Pro Beauty tools 1.25in curling iron and is fairly inexpensive. It gave me the loose bouncy curls I was looking for and was easy to use. I highly recommend this curling iron because you are given full control of the heat temperature (also heats up fairly quickly,) the cord is long and rotates 360 degrees, and the handle is thin and easy to grasp. 

Sometimes you just need a few treats to perk you up and I am so happy with this mini haul because they are all products I will get much use out of! 

-Diana